What are we wasting our time worrying for?

I went for coffee with a girlfriend of mine tonight, (you know who you are) :) She had told me when she got in the car that she had a mild "mini-drama" before I had arrived. A momentary lapse if you will, in her ability to think clearly about her life. She had a moment where she hated her clothes, hated the way she looked, basically hated her life. Feeling lost and confused for a short period of time. I know this feeling all to well as I spend most mornings staring at my over-flowing closet of clothes and thinking, "I have nothing to wear." And if I do find something to wear, (and I always do) I look in the mirror, think there's no way I can pull this off today and proceed to try on 10 other outfits before I realize how late it is and go flying out my door, not even aware of what I've put on.

We do this with everything. We pick ourselves apart, we torment ourselves and for what? How many times have we told our kids, our friends, and ourselves, that we're unique, beautiful, and amazing people and then we fall apart, not believing a single word of it. This behaviour is really destructive. I don't if guys feel this way. I know of some growing up who had these moments also, but it really seems to be a woman thing.

As my girlfriend and I discussed this and tied men into the conversation she passed on some information that I was told to take with me for the rest of my life: "Men really don't care". "If you're there, and available, you could be wearing a paper bag and it wouldn't matter." If this is true, why are we tearing ourselves apart constantly? And truly there are so many things that deserve more of our time. If we're really going to worry, why do we worry about useless things? I think part of the issue is we've become way to materialistic. We buy things constantly trying to fill a void that would probably be satisfied by companionship or human contact and in the end feel just as empty as we did before we bought that particular item. I, too, am guilty of this; however, I am so much more fulfilled by human contact and intellectual stimulation. I can thrive off the energy of a great conversation for days, but thrive off the energy of shopping for a few measly minutes.

I've become a wee bit of a nerd in the last few years. Wanting to read everything I see, learn anything I can whenever I can, and talk to anyone who can challenge my brain and educate me at the same time. I have to say, I've been pretty lucky lately in meeting people like that. In meeting these people and learning a plethora of things, I've felt pretty adequate for quite awhile now. I also think that my job plays a huge role in this as I see the value of life on a daily basis. People coming and going all the time with major illnesses and never knowing if that day will be the last time I see them. I know that the lady dying of cancer isn't concerned with her outfit or hair that day; and the man with Alzheimer's, he's not concerned with what people around him think of his ensemble. He's  wondering if he'll wake up tomorrow and recognize his own face. Anytime I start having these momentary lapses I think about these people. It's a nice slap in the face back to reality. I have it so good, probably too good, and with the ability to see both ends of the spectrum, I very quickly appreciate what I have and what I have to offer. One constant on my mind however, is, "Am I living to my full potential?" "If I was gone tomorrow, and could look back on my life would I have been truly happy?" Of course I have two beautiful kids, and a great boyfriend, but am I doing what I want to do? Was I really honest with myself and others around me? I find all too often we hold back on saying things that are on our minds because we're afraid of another person's reaction, but you can be filtered and polite while still saying what you need to say. I also have high morals and expectations, so am I staying true to them or being passive? Again, small concerns and worries to a healthy individual, but as quickly as you can take a breath in, it can be taken away. I want to know that I've stayed true to myself until the very end. Much easier said than done of course. I'm always worried about other people and what they think and am I making them happy and what if they don't like me if I say that, and on and on and on....

One of the best quotes I ever read that my friend had put on his web page for me was: 

"Don't run around trying to heal all of your friends. Do your own mental work and heal yourself. This will do more good for those around you than anything else."

 How true is this? How are we supposed to help anyone else if we can't even help ourselves?! Too many people think they are being selfish by focusing on themselves, but they are actually doing more good than not. I think it's so important to surround yourself with friends who have strengths and knowledge in different areas than you. This way, when one area is weak, you have a network of people around you to help because they are strong that way. I've been really blessed to meet some amazing people in the past few years who not only support me, but challenge me. Some who question what I'm doing when I'm being an idiot, some who fill my brain with great ideas so that I can learn more, some who push me in regards to the impact I'm leaving on the planet, my kids, and my environment, some who question the person I am and who I'm trying to become, etc... These things are great because it forces me to constantly look within and make some really firm decisions, while trying to find ways to improve constantly. I think my life would be empty without these people (and again, you know who you are). I would rather spend time thinking and contemplating, as oppose to worrying and picking myself apart in a self-destructive manner. 

I'm going to add some quotes from my "website page" it's not my website, it's a friend's website with a page attached for me from my 18th birthday. He was there for me through thick and thin and eventhough he was far away, he always challenged me intellectually and I respect and love him for that. We don't talk very often anymore, but when we do, it's like we never skipped a beat. Life happens, and people disappear, but that doesn't mean that they're not as important as they were before. It simply means you're both lost in the whirlwind of it all, and when you come out with a second to breathe, you'll catch up. I hope you like these quotes because they really do fit in with appreciating yourself and the ones you love. 

If you get a chance, check out his website, he's an amazing photographer and has traveled the world a few times. www.brandonelliot.com 

Envelop your family in a circle of love, whether they are living or not. Include your friends, your loved ones, your spouse, everyone from work and your past, and all the people you would like to forgive and don't know how. Affirm that you have wonderful, harmonious relationships with everyone, where there is mutual respect and caring on both sides. Know that you can live with dignity and peace and joy. Let this circle of love envelop the entire planet, and let your heart open so you can have a space within you of unconditional love. You are worth loving. You are beautiful. You are powerful. You open yourself to good.
And so it is! 

Intention

Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Live with intention.
Practice wellness.
Continue to learn.
Play with adandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.

"When we begin to change and work on ourselves, sometimes things get worse before they get better. It is okay if that happens, it's just the beginning of the process. It's untangling old roots. Just flow with it.

"An affirmation is a beginning point. It opens the way. You are saying to your subconscious mind: "I am taking responsibility." "I am aware there is something I can do to change." If you continue to say the affirmation, either you will be ready to let whatever it is go, and the affirmation will become true; or it will open a new avenue to you

"In order to change yourself outside, you must change inside. The moment you are willing to change, it is amazinghow the Universe begins to help you. It brings you what you need."

"When we begin to change and work on ourselves, sometimes things get worse before they get better. It is okay if that happens, it's just the beginning of the process. It's untangling old roots. Just flow with it.

The moment you say affirmations, you are stepping out of the role. You are no longer helpless. You are acknowledging your own power."